LESSON 8: Why And How The 1 Rule Works
Apparently our brain is hardwired to answer questions. When we are asked a question, or
when we ask ourselves a question, our brain immediately begins searching for an answer.
The 1 Rule is like asking our brain a question, so it immediately begins searching for an
answer. The problem, trouble or conflict is the source of the question.
We ask two primary questions: “How we can find agreement?” and “What is really
important to me in this situation?”
Self-Determined Kids
Another important element in why the 1 Rule works is what is commonly referred to as, “I
want my children to live their own lives.” I wanted my children be happy, to feel good, but I
also wanted them to be self-determined, to figure out for themselves what they wanted,
how they wanted things to be.
I finally created the simple doorway to all my work...and it turns out to be the path I
walked. This is how I raised my kids, once I decided never to force them to do what they
did not want to do. This was how I treated the kids I worked with.
Try it. You'll see how great it works!
Questions
1. When you have a problem, trouble or a conflict with your kids, ask yourself the two
primary questions: “How can we find agreement?” “What is really important to me here?”
2. Ask yourself to think of times you have discovered agreement in the past, even when
you have come to an agreement with yourself, when you wanted things that seemed in
conflict.
3. Think of possible agreements you might come up with for any problem areas.
4. Think of any situations in your life and what is important to you, what is non-negotiable
and what is negotiable, for each situation.
5. Use “I want my kids to live their own lives” as a journal prompt. Write what comes to
mind.
6. How do you think the 1 Rule helps kids be self-determined?
Apparently our brain is hardwired to answer questions. When we are asked a question, or
when we ask ourselves a question, our brain immediately begins searching for an answer.
The 1 Rule is like asking our brain a question, so it immediately begins searching for an
answer. The problem, trouble or conflict is the source of the question.
We ask two primary questions: “How we can find agreement?” and “What is really
important to me in this situation?”
Self-Determined Kids
Another important element in why the 1 Rule works is what is commonly referred to as, “I
want my children to live their own lives.” I wanted my children be happy, to feel good, but I
also wanted them to be self-determined, to figure out for themselves what they wanted,
how they wanted things to be.
I finally created the simple doorway to all my work...and it turns out to be the path I
walked. This is how I raised my kids, once I decided never to force them to do what they
did not want to do. This was how I treated the kids I worked with.
Try it. You'll see how great it works!
Questions
1. When you have a problem, trouble or a conflict with your kids, ask yourself the two
primary questions: “How can we find agreement?” “What is really important to me here?”
2. Ask yourself to think of times you have discovered agreement in the past, even when
you have come to an agreement with yourself, when you wanted things that seemed in
conflict.
3. Think of possible agreements you might come up with for any problem areas.
4. Think of any situations in your life and what is important to you, what is non-negotiable
and what is negotiable, for each situation.
5. Use “I want my kids to live their own lives” as a journal prompt. Write what comes to
mind.
6. How do you think the 1 Rule helps kids be self-determined?
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