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| Happy Kids Newsletter Month Fourth There are images in the actual Newsletter that cannot be added here, but some of the links are active. |
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| Your Happy Kids Newsletter This is not another parenting method...this is your missing foundation...the fundamentals that simplify parenting, answer the questions that worry you...keep you up at night...trouble your heart and mind. These fundamentals help you to use any parenting methods...successfully. Brainstorming Prep Hi -- Before you start brainstorming, everyone needs to understand that during the brainstorming no one criticizes any idea. No matter how silly, horrible, impossible an idea is no one says anything about it. No comments allowed. This helps keep the ideas flowing. If comments are made, it can keep ideas from coming to mind. Negative comments can block the person whose idea got the comment, and it can also block other people who may be afraid of getting negative comments. Even positive comments can keep ideas from coming. They might keep other ideas from coming to people's minds and only draw ideas similar to the idea that got the positive comment. Often the ideas that will be the most useful can come after the first ideas have been shared. For now please don't say anything against any idea, no moans, no groans, no negative gestures. Make sure that everyone understands the importance of this and agrees to it. All ideas are written down. If anyone has trouble with this, remind them that the idea will not be used if someone does not like it. It will be crossed off the list later. Brainstorming Now, it is time for brainstorming for solutions. Explain that the next thing you are all going to do is to think of how to solve the problem. Re-state the problem. Tell them that to solve this you are going to do something called brainstorming. You are going to think of as many ideas as you can that might solve this problem. Each person is going to say their ideas out loud and you are going to write them down. Encourage your kids to think of solutions for the problem. "Now, let's think of how we can solve this problem." Then pause and look at your children. If no one else is ready to begin the brainstorming...you begin it. Start by stating the exact solution you'd like...let the Brainstorming begin. Write down every idea, no matter how strange, no matter how silly, no matter who likes it or not. When no one can think of any more ideas you are done with brainstorming. Now you have your list of possible solutions. Family Session Continued...(example) "Ok everyone. Now we start gathering our ideas. I have to write down every idea we come up with. Remember, no matter what we think of an idea, we don't make any comments, good or bad, not even noises or gestures. We have to remember that any idea we don't like gets crossed off. Who wants to go first?" "I get to stay home during family vacation." "No, Gabby!" "Remember, Crystal, no comments. That means we don't say anything about someone else's idea. I just write it down. Later we cross off all of the ideas that someone doesn't like. Later, not now. Just wait. Ok, who's next?" "Gabby goes with us." "I stay with my girlfriend, Jean." "We all just stay home." "We'll shorten our vacation and all go together." "We'll ask Aunt Mimi to come stay with Gabby." "We'll stay home and do things here together." "Gabby can invite a friend or two to come along." "We'll go somewhere so exciting Gabby will want to come with us." Etc. Keeping It Respectful! Q&A: Until I have current questions from current readers, I will answer questions that I've been asked in the past that I believe have current relevance. If you want to ask a question use this link: Click Here to Ask Getting Started Q. "We've read some of your columns. We've never treated our children any different than our parents treated us, but we're considering trying out some of what you've said. Our oldest daughter is nine, our son is six and our youngest daughter is three. We have no idea how to get started. What do you suggest?" H.R., Briceland A: Start with a family meeting. Be sure to find a time when it is convenient for everyone. Make sure that everyone is feeling good and unstressed. If someone is in a bad mood, it is better to deal with that problem before starting the meeting. Ask them what help they need to be in a good mood for the meeting. At the meeting explain that you want to solve problems differently in your family than you have in the past. Say clearly how you think they have been solved in the past. Ask if this seems right to everyone else. After you have reached an understanding, tell your children what you don't want to do any more. Explain that from now on you would like it if everyone would do their best to solve problems in ways that feel good to everyone involved. If you and your mate could have a short example of some disagreement that you solved using brainstorming, and negotiating a win-win solution, you can offer to tell them that as an example. Then ask if any of the children has a problem that they would like to share so that everyone could practice with it as a starter. Reassure them that this new way of doing things means that you end up with an answer that everyone involved feels good about. Wait for one of them to come up with an idea. Then tell them that you have an idea in mind if one of them can't come up with an idea. Then wait again. It is good if one of the children can come up with a suggestion, but it's not essential. Maybe they need to see this process at work for them to trust that it will be good for them. Let's say you all decide to deal with bedtimes, or meal times, or chores. Be sure you have paper and pen. For this first time it might be best for one of the adults to do the writing because they will be able to write down the ideas more quickly. You don't want to lose the children to boredom. However, if one of the children wants to do the writing, and the others don't object, let them write. It can make all of the children trust the process more. Explain that during brainstorming, the person who is writing writes down all of the ideas that anyone comes up with, but that no one should worry, because only the ideas that everyone feels good about will be used. All the ideas are written down so that: · none of the ideas are forgotten · everyone feels respected for their contribution · when ideas are flowing because none of them are blocked, you are more likely to discover those ideas which will solve your problem When no one can come up with any more ideas, then you start the process of negotiating. First you must eliminate all the ideas or parts of ideas that any one of you doesn't like. In the unlikely circumstance that your first brainstorming ideas are all eliminated, you can do the session again at another time, unless everyone is up for doing it then. You settle on that idea or combination of ideas that you can all agree on. You put it into practice for a limited period of time, checking back with each other to make sure it is still working. At the end of the meeting say that you would like all the fights and problems in the family to be settled this way, between you and your partner, between the children or between the children and parents. Tell the children that if they want your help to solve things just to let you know, and that if you hear them fighting you are going to ask them if they want help to find a win-win solution to the problem. This process may seem time consuming, but once everyone is practiced at it, you can eliminate the writing, and finding agreements becomes almost automatic. Then the peace in the family seems worth all the efforts at changing in the beginning. Power of Respect Question: Have you brainstormed? What might you brainstorm with your child? Click Here to Ask: get your question answered in a future newsletter Next Week: Discover how to have stress-free driving vacations, enjoyable for everyone in your family... Testimonials Click Button Below. Sign Up For Happy Kids Newsletter May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Let’s Raise Happy Kids! Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
Harmony With Your Kids Hi -- All other forms of parenting are thought up by adults, created by adults, often because that was how they were raised ...or it is an attempt to improve on how they were raised. Also these forms of parenting are taught to adults, which makes sense. The Power of Respect was learned from work with kids. One important strategy in the Power of Respect, End Conflict NOW!, was created because a parenting strategy was taught to kids. It was originally designed by Dr. Thomas Gordon, PhD, to teach to adults how to improve their parenting. I, however, taught it to children to improve the way they related to each other. They began immediately to teach me what this strategy is really all about: the ultimate respect tool...whoever is involved (in a given situation) needs to agree with how it goes. Do this, and you don't need to do more. You don't need to understand more. You have the key. You just have to use it. Children find it a natural way of behaving. Much of my work is to help conditioned adults get to the point where they can use this brilliant key, a key shown to me by three year old children, but I have to tell you that even teens can relate to this almost as fast as three-year-olds. It's just adults who have trouble, to one degree or another. I've written books, articles, designed trainings, created a website...distilled all of my experience to discover this key, to become aware of its existence. May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Let’s Raise Happy Kids! Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
| Of Course You Want Your Kids To Do What You Say...Watch This Video Kids Glad To Do What You Want?... Hi -- The Positive Respect Secrets in this video make it so much easier for kids to want to do what you say. This video presents another missing piece of the family puzzle and a secret within a secret that can dissolve anger...it did for me. Watch it...discover the secrets!...See if it works for you! Click the link to watch the video... May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Let’s Raise Happy Kids! Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
| Read How Father And Daughter End Their Conflicts Imagine...Ending Conflict! Hi -- These are people I know well. Their identities are concealed for their protection. She was his third child. Boy, did he have trouble with her! She was only seven, but was she ever defiant! What was it going to be like when she was a teenager!? It seemed that they were always at each other, fighting over every little thing. One day I offered to mediate for them, using the End Conflict NOW! Strategy. It didn't have a name at the time. I'd offered before, but was always turned down. This day they accepted! I could tell that neither of them thought that much good would come from this. I even had doubts myself. We set up a time to meet later in the day. I asked them to each think of what their problems were with the other. At the beginning of the session later that day, I wrote down all of the issues each one was having with the other. Much to all of our surprise, within ten minutes we had successfully addressed and solved ALL of their concerns! Neither of them could think of any other problems. Most of them were solved because the other person did not know that that behavior was a problem for the other. The easily accommodated the other's needs for change. Even more amazing than that was the fact that this ended their constant fighting. Their solutions worked for both of them and after that they must have realized that they might be able to find mutually agreeable solutions. I guess that seemed a better choice than the constant fighting. May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Let’s Raise Happy Kids! Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
When Kids Are Fighting Hi -- The following is an excerpt from the ebook Good Parent Good Kids: Mediating: Spontaneous End Conflict NOW! If mediating for your children is your first use of this Power of Respect Strategy, chances are it is because they are having trouble at that moment. It's always harder to jump into a problem than to deal with one calmly at a time when emotions are not running high. Be sure to take a way to write ideas. It is better if you have introduced this to your children/teens before this, but if you have not, you can still do it. Remember the steps, but be ready to be flexible when and if the situation calls for it. For example: Remind them that they each deserve to feel good You may have to begin brainstorming before introducing the Guidelines for the Meeting. Be sure to emphasize that everyone involved gets to feel good about the solution Remind them, or let them know that any idea that one of them doesn't like gets crossed off the list. It would be disrespectful to use that idea Let them know that every idea gets written down Be prepared for them to find a solution immediately. It is not essential to go through all of the steps. To get the Guidelines for the Meeting, click this link Click Button Below For Ebook Good Parent Good Kids May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Let’s Raise Happy Kids! Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
| A Strategy To Bring Happiness To Your Kids And Harmony To Your Family Peacefully End Conflict Hi -- "Now I'm going to share with you seven steps toward the successful, respectful, and peaceful end of conflict. Notice that I didn't say 'conflict resolution.' I said end of conflict. That's the result of using this strategy. This strategy has its roots in a strategy I learned from Dr. Thomas Gordon. Millions of people have successfully used his strategy. The important differences shared here today are due to the fact that he focused on teaching adults. My primary focus was on teaching this strategy to young children. They taught me how to really use this strategy, how to streamline it and truly end conflict." (from Raise Happy Kids Webinar) Click Link TO WATCH WEBINAR! May Your Efforts Be Successful and Satisfying! Best Wishes Always, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker...of Education and Parenting www.happykidsco.com Karen Ryce Presents Follow: Follow Me On Facebook Follow Me On Twitter Let’s Raise Happy Kids! Share: Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon |
