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| Your Happy Kids Newsletter "Where Are Their Manners?" This is one of the common complaints I have heard from adults, referring to kids’ behavior. This newsletter shares effective, respectful ways to help the children in your life understand and use the manners you would like them to use. The first lesson is an excerpt from Good Parent Good Kids. It includes a respectful lesson for a grandmother as well as a respectful lesson for a young grandchild. This approach works well with very young children. The second lesson works well when parents need to put more emphasis on their needs for certain types of behavior. In our Montessori school we conducted lessons called ‘Social Behavior Presentations’. The children loved them! We isolated one common practice and practiced it. Here are a few examples: • Shaking hands when you are introduced to someone • Asking to please pass something at the table • Asking , “Excuse me, may I go by?” When someone is in your way. Shaking hands reminds me of my daughter Shanti when she was two years old. We were invited to a reception. Her grandmother introduced her to a friend of hers. He extended his hand to shake hands with Shanti…and she shook hands! Thanks to our Montessori Social Behavior presentations. You can do this with your children. I’ll send you an email with more details of how to do this. Although you might think that you know what ‘good manners’ are, ‘good manners’ are very subjective. They can vary from country to country, even from family to family. What is polite in one country might be rude in another, such as belching after a meal, some places it’s a compliment to the host, in others it is “just plain rude!” MANNERS Robin’s grandmother is visiting. She has invited her daughter and her granddaughter out for some ice cream. She hands Robin her cone. “Now, what do you say, young lady? I have just given you some delicious ice cream. So what do you say to me? You say, ‘Thank you, grandmother.’ I have heard you speak. You are beginning to speak quite well. Can you say, ‘Thank you, Grandmother’?” Robin, holding her cone, runs over to her mother, grabs onto her leg with her free hand and hides her face. “Don’t worry, Mother. She’ll learn in her own time.” “If you don’t teach her, she won’t learn. It’s never too soon to teach children some good manners. If you ask me, one of the problems with the youth today is that no one taught them good manners and insisted that they use them.” “Let’s sit down, shall we?” They find a table outside under a shade tree. “Nathan and I think that the best way to teach children is to be a model of the behavior you wish them to learn. Robin, the napkins are near you. Would you please hand one to me? Thank you. Robin. Don’t you need a napkin, Mother?” “What? Oh, yes I do. Would you please hand me a napkin, Robin? Thank you, Robin. You were saying?” “We are doing our best to raise our daughter in a respectful manner. We believe it is better for all the people involved and especially for the child. We are convinced that it helps people develop high self-esteem which we consider essential to live a satisfying and fulfilling life. So far it seems to be working. Robin, would you please pass me another napkin? One wasn’t enough. Thank you, Robin. Do you need another napkin, Mother?” “Yes, I do. Robin, would you please pass me another napkin? Thank you, Robin.” “Why do you think Robin was feeling so shy when I asked her to say ‘Thank you’?” “I’d rather not talk about her in front of her. We can talk about that later. I know people do it all the time, but I think it’s inconsiderate to talk about people as if they weren’t there when they are. Consider this, three adults are out together and two of them start talking about the third as if she isn’t there. You can imagine how uncomfortable she might feel. I just prefer to talk about this later. I hope this is not a problem for you.” “No, dear, we can talk more later. Right now I could use another napkin. Robin, would you please pass me another napkin? Thank you. My ice cream is delicious. Do you like your ice cream, Robin?” “Yes, it’s delissus.” “I’m feeling thirsty. Would you like me to bring you some water, Larissa?” “Yes, please.” “Robin, would you like me to bring you some water?” “Yes, pweese.” Sheila brings the glasses of water on a tray and puts it down near her seat. “Larissa, here is a glass of ice water for you.” “Thank you very much. I’m quite thirsty.” “Robin, here’s a glass of ice water for you.” “Thank ‘ou, I thirsty, too.” “You’re a very fast learner, Mother.” “So is your daughter. I brought each of us a straw. Would you like a straw, Larissa?” “Yes. please.” “Here is your straw.” “Thank you.” “You’re welcome. Robin would you like a straw?” “Yes, pweese.” “Here is your straw.” “Thank ‘ou.” “You’re welcome. Oh dear, Robin, would you please hand me another napkin? I spilled a little water. Thank you, Robin.” “You wewcome.” Keeping It Respectful! Q&A: Until I have current questions from current readers, I will answer questions that I’ ve been asked in the past that I believe have current relevance. The Power of Respect In this column the reader is offered practical, respectful options leading to win-win solutions to the problems arising between adults and children in everyday life. If you want to ask a question use this link: Click Here to Ask Q: “I do my best to be polite to my son, and I would like him to be polite, too. When someone does something for him, or gives him something, I would like him to appreciate it and show his appreciation. When he bumps into someone in the store, I would like him to say, “Excuse me.” I want him to see that politeness is not only adult behavior.” P.I., Briceland A: Don’t assume that because you are polite to him he will automatically be polite in all his dealings with other people. Perhaps he can’t relate to this. Were all the important adults in his environment polite to him from the beginning? Are they still polite to him? Maybe none of his peers practice this kind of behavior, and so it doesn’t occur to him. Maybe adults, and not even all of them, are the only people he sees practicing polite social behavior. He may not understand the value of these social forms; his friends may not care if he says, “thank you” or not, if fact they might tease him if he did. However, whatever reasons he has for not being polite, you would still like the situation to be different. Sometime when you are sure you have his full and willing attention, let him know that you have a problem and you would like his help to solve it. If he’s not ready right then to help you, tell him that you would like it if you both could at least agree to meet sometime soon, since you can’t solve it by yourself. At the time of the meeting, it can help keep suggestions accurate if they are written down. Some people like the security of knowing that what they said was accurately recorded. It can prevent bickering, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, if the suggestions are written down then read back for agreement as to what was said. However, don’t let it get in the way of the practice of communicating, brainstorming, and negotiating. If he doesn’t want the suggestions to be written, or if it doesn’t work for you, and you both agree, don’t write. You could tape it if you both agree. I usually write only with people who are beginning this practice. With those who are more practiced, agreements are usually reached quickly, almost effortlessly. When the people involved are used to thinking of mutually agreeable solutions, they do it more easily and smoothly. Explain that you really don’t know what to do about this problem you have, but you really want it to be something that is good for both of you. Be sure he understands what you mean: that you don’t have any hidden agendas. You really just want to solve this thing in a way that is good for you and him; that you each have the right to do what you can to make your life good, especially if it doesn’t hurt anyone. Make sure he understands your problem the way you want him to. Here are some possible mutually agreeable solutions: • You decide to accept his behavior. • He’ll be polite to adults, if you’ll explain exactly what you have in mind, but skip the whys. • Now that he understands that you really need him to do this, he’ll do his best. • You agree to point out other children being polite. • After he understands the possible benefits to him, he agrees to give it a try. • He’ll be polite to adults and you agree to_____________________________ Remember, you’re going for mutual satisfaction, don’t be satisfied with less. Power of Respect Question: What is your plan to help your family be as polite as you would like? Click Here to Ask: get your question answered in a future newsletter, you can also suggest topics you would like covered Next Month: Schedules / Priorities Newsletter Sign Up If you have found this valuable, please forward it to anyone else you think might benefit. If this was forwarded to you, click here so that you do not miss any other issues. May your efforts be successful and satisfying. Best Wishes, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker…of Education and Parenting We value your privacy and we’re not going to rent, trade, share or sell your information to anyone. If you want to read the details of the privacy policy, you can read them here. Contact Us | Privacy Statement Copyright © 2011, 2012, 2014 Karen Ryce Presents Karen Ryce Presents retains all copyrights in any text, graphic images, and software owned by Karen Ryce Presents and hereby authorizes you to electronically copy documents published herein solely for the purpose of transmitting or viewing the information. You may not mirror, modify or otherwise alter any files in this newsletter for rebroadcast, or print the information contained therein, without written permission from Karen Ryce. 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| Happy Kids Newsletter Month Nine There are images in the actual Newsletter that cannot be added here, but some of the links are active. |
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| More Secrets About Respect And Kids... Adults are in charge of kids, even according to the law. Parents or guardians are the specific adults responsible for their kids. As the parent or guardian you are expected to teach your kids what to do and what not to do and how things are done. I know that this is not a secret. Everyone knows this. The secret part is coming. That kids learn from adults seems to be built into the human species. Kids are not born speaking a language and ready to participate in the life around them, as are many animal babies. Humans need to learn the language or languages spoken by those around them, especially their parents or guardians. They need to learn how things are done from those same adults. Now comes the secret… |
| Manners / Being Polite • You have to model the behavior you want to see o To your child o In front of your child, to others • Tell them that you have a problem and you need their help to solve it • Explain what being polite means to you and why you need them to be polite • Ask what they need so that they can be polite • Feel free to share your feelings about the situation, how it makes you feel • Keep communication clear, reflect back to them in your own words what you believe they said to you so that: o They can realize that you are paying attention o They can tell you if you are correct or not • If finding a win-win solution doesn’t happen immediately, go through End Conflict NOW! or Let’s Work It Out, the two Free Workshops available at this time. • Remember the important thing is to find a solution that you all like • Practice all the manners with your child that you would like them to use |
| When You Get Upset you need to calm down before you tell them why • Then go calm down • When you explain why you were upset, you might find that o You didn’t understand the situation o Your kids didn’t understand the situation o Your kids made a mistake • Forgive each other • Between you figure out what needs to happen so that you feel good again • Then figure out what needs to happen so that this doesn’t happen again • Then everyone has to do their part |
| Creating Harmony Between Siblings Creating harmony when siblings are fighting is the focus of this video. To do this we use the 7-step Power of Respect Strategy End Conflict NOW! End Conflict NOW! can really help you end conflict in your family. Period. It has even happened in one session. A father and daughter had one session and no more fighting. It may happen this quickly for you, or it may not, but if you use it …It happens. This process brings harmony to your home. And harmony by definition is happy agreement, enjoyable for everyone involved. It is another secret that makes each family member feel important and loved and it is a very, very powerful strategy to make problems vanish quickly and efficiently. Here is an example of how it works: |
“Punishment causes pain. It is so much more effective to explain, to educate, to create understanding. If the win-win solution is to fix what they caused to go wrong, this helps ensure that the behavior is not repeated. That’s the goal of punishment, right? That the behavior is not repeated? Why not get to that goal in ways that are agreeable to all involved?” |
