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| Happy Kids Newsletter Month Eight There are images in the actual Newsletter that cannot be added here, but some of the links are active. |
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| Video Reveals The Invisible Root Cause Discovering this secret led to my discovery of all the others. I actually discovered it first. This secret is the Invisible Root Cause of all of the troubles and problems that develop between kids and adults. It was discovering this that made me work hard over many years to discover a solution to this powerfully entrenched Invisible Root Cause. I observed, experimented, discovered, developed and implemented this solution. This solution is what I have shared with you so far, how to Raise Happy Children. I discovered the root cause many years ago in a flash of illumination. I’m sure you know how it is to discover something, like a great recipe or a faster way of doing something, and you want to share this with everyone. Click Here to Watch The Video |
| Happy Kids Member Site Would you like the comfort of having somewhere to turn when there is stress between you and your child? Somewhere where you know you can at least receive the support and inspiration you are seeking...and most likely some answers… Join the Happy Kids Member Site…Immerse Yourself… groups/ blogs/ videos/ articles/ ebooks/ trainings/ discounts/ priceless support/ guidance!... After you subscribe, you are taken directly the Happy Kids Member Site…immerse yourself… Click This Link To Join http://www.happykidsco.com/1sale.html (If you ever want to cancel your Membership, just go to PayPal and cancel your subscription. If you have any trouble, contact me by email or phone and I'll make sure your subscription is cancelled. I've included this information because I had trouble ending a subscription, once.) |
| has been transformed to an ebook and re-focused on the helpful information shared in the original book. A limited number of the original books are still available. Here's a link in case you would like one of those. Click the link and scroll to the bottom: Parenting for the New Millennium "My Children Are So Nice Now!" It was the second year that I was selling my book at the Summer Arts Faire when a woman approached me. She thanked me for writing the book Friendly Families and the Power of Respect. She had purchased one the previous summer and used what she learned in the book about relating respectfully with her children. She said her children really liked her new approach. She said her four children were "so nice now!" I hope that one day you want to tell me how much the Power of Respect has helped you and your kids. The current version of the book she read and used is called Good Parent Good Kids |
| Don’t think in terms of ‘disobedience’ when you can think in terms of cooperation. Discover why your child seems uncooperative:
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| • People are more likely to work willingly if the tasks are ones they have chosen • You might make a list of all the chores for the day / or for the week o In the morning family members choose the work they plan to do that day / week o You could draw straws to choose who gets to choose the first job o After everyone has chosen all the jobs they are willing to do o If there are any jobs left over, these get put into a hat and People take turns drawing out the remaining jobs Maybe you agree to leave those jobs undone Maybe one person volunteers to do all those jobs • They may choose more chores than you might have assigned them • If anyone is resistant to doing chores o Remember to keep calm, respectful and patient. o Patience is essential in this situation o Keep being respectful o They can trade chores with someone else o They might be glad to do the chores of their choice o They might prefer if no one reminded them o Be determined to find a way for them to participate that works for them • Keep communication clear, reflect back to them in your own words what you believe they said to you so that: o They can realize that you are paying attention o They can tell you if you are correct or not • If finding a win-win solution doesn’t happen quickly, go through End Conflict NOW! • Remember the important thing is to find a solution that you all like Getting Started With Chores (the following example comes from the ebook Good Parent Good Kids, where it’s titled Getting Started) Melinda has been learning about being a respectful parent and it really appeals to her. She feels she has learned enough to begin using this with her nine-year-old daughter. “Willow, I hope this is a good time for us to talk, because I have something I want to do, but before I can do it I have to discuss it with you. Is now fine with you?” Willow looks up from the cereal box she was reading. Her eyes are blank, not understanding. What is her mother talking about. “I want to talk about not punishing you anymore. I know I usually punish you when you do things that I don’t like, but I don’t want to do that anymore. I want us to be able to solve our problems so we both feel good about the solution. Does that sound good to you?” It sounds strange to Willow, but it’s better to listen to her mother than not. “I guess.” Melinda is determined not to lose her patience, if it is all possible, but it’s frustrating to have her daughter react to this so halfheartedly. “I realize you might not understand how this is going to work, shall I explain it to you?” “I guess.” Even though Willow is not being the enthusiastic, cooperative child her mother might want, she decides to plunge ahead. “Is there anything I make you do that you don’t like?” “I don’t know.” Willow does not want to get trapped into saying anything that might cause trouble for her. She can sense the tension in her mother, though she’s not sure what’s causing it. Although Melinda is beginning to feel really frustrated, she is determined not to lose her temper, but to persist in using this new approach. “I know this is new for you. It’s new for me too, but I really want us to have a good time together and not be mad and unhappy so much of the time. Wouldn’t you like that, for us to get along together.” “Yeah.” “That’s why I want to try this new way of treating each other. If you can’t think of something, then I would like to suggest something. First, I’d better tell you I’m starting to feel really frustrated, but I’m not going to yell at you or hurt you. I don’t want to do that anymore.” Willow decides that she had better think of something rather than have her mother think of something. If her mother means it, it could be good. “Well, I guess—I hate to clean my room.” “Well, I’m so glad you thought of something.” Melinda knows it will be a better introduction of this respectful approach if Willow gets a chance to be actively, positively involved. “Now let’s see if we can figure out what to do to change this so we are both happy with the arrangements. You hate to clean your room, and I like to see your room clean. What if I help you pick up the things in your room every night after dinner, so it will never get very messy.” “I like my room messy.” Here’s her chance. Melinda can show her daughter that she is really willing to work with her, no more oppression, no harsh, belittling judgments about the quality of her intelligence, or her lack of proper values or priorities. “Oh. I didn’t know that.” “Could I keep my door closed so you don’t have to look at the mess?” Willow bravely speaks out as the idea occurs to her. “Well, I’m willing to try it, but I still need you to pick up your things in the rest of the house, okay?” “Yeah, that’s okay.” “I’d like to have another meeting about this next week to see if this is still a good idea for both of us. Does that sound fine to you?” “Yeah. Do you really mean you aren’t going to punish me anymore?” “That’s the way I want to do it. I think punishing is not good for either of us. It makes both of us unhappy. I don’t want that anymore.” “Wow. But what if you forget and get real mad at me?” “Well, that might happen. I’m not very experienced at working things out yet. What do you think we should do?” “I don’t know.” “Well, one thing my teacher suggested was that when we feel upset by something our child is doing, we tell the child that we are mad, or frustrated, or hurt, or whatever we are feeling because of whatever they are doing. Then we tell them that we can’t talk about it right that minute, but that we need to talk about it after we have cooled off. Then we go away from the child until we feel calm; then we can come back and talk about it. How does that sound to you?” “I wish you just wouldn’t get mad at me anymore.” “I wish I wouldn’t either, but I don’t think that is going to happen right away. I’m too used to getting mad. But my teacher said that she used to get mad at her children, and now she doesn’t anymore. If she can do it, so can I; but I’m not sure how long it will take. So what do you think about the idea of cooling off before we talk?” “Okay.” “Willow, I’m sure we can do a good job with this.” “I’m glad you learned about this, Mom.” Keeping It Respectful! Q&A: Until I have current questions from current readers, I will answer questions that I’ve been asked in the past that I believe have current relevance. If you want to ask a question use this link: Click Here to Ask Q: “My daughter is very creative; if she is not reading, she always has some project going, and I really appreciate this. However, she never wants to pick up after herself, and this has been going on for years. I’m not extremely orderly, but her disorder is too much for me. I’ve tried everything that I can think of to get her to clean up her stuff and she just won’t do it, not with my help and not “later,” which is what she says to get me off her back. What can I do? This is really a problem for me.” L.C., Garberville A: This is one of the times when you have to be clear in yourself that this is your problem. For whatever reason or reasons, this disorder is not a problem for her. She may never have a problem with disorder around her; some people are like that. However, since you live in the same house, it is important that a solution to your problem be discovered, a solution that works for both of you. Since the disorder that overwhelms you is her creation, it is most likely that you will need her help and cooperation to solve your problem. Arrange a time with her, a time when you can be alone without any obvious distractions, a time that is suitable for both of you. If anyone else in the family needs to be involved, include them in this plan. Although it can be helpful to process things where the problem takes place, in this case, since it is a long standing problem, it might be helpful to choose a favorite place that is not in the house so no one will be distracted by the triggers in the familiar home situation. Wherever you all decide to have your first meeting, be sure to bring paper and writing tools along, enough for everyone to write if they wish to do so. Explain that in brainstorming it is important to write down every idea, but that only the ideas that are liked by everyone involved have a chance of being used. Unless an agreeable solution strikes you during this process, keep the ideas flowing until no more are coming. Maybe part of one idea and part of another and part of a third will produce the results you are looking for. It is possible that the first session will not give you the results you are seeking. However, since this problem has gone on for a long time, find your patience and schedule another session. If you had a session away from home the first time, have a session at home the next. However, my experience has been that it only takes one session to discover what will work when children are involved, often only a few minutes. Since she has resisted cleaning up after herself for so long, it is possible that the solution will not involve her cleaning up after herself either. It may be that someone else in the family will clean up after her and she will do something else for them. It may be that she will be willing to earn money for picking up her things, or she will ask you to pay a friend of hers for doing this work. The important thing here, as always, is that whatever is decided is agreeable to all involved. Also remember to keep tabs on the situation as time goes on to make sure that the solution keeps working for everyone. However, if she does not want to participate in discovering a solution to your problem, feel free to tell her that since she does not want to help you, you will have to find a solution for yourself, because you don’t want to have things the same any more (if this is the truth). Then think for yourself, what you need to do to most easily cope with this situation, or have some friends brainstorm with you. Maybe you’ll decide that you’ll just continue to live with the disorder; maybe you’ll decide to box up everything of everyone’s that is left around and put it into storage, or into her room if it’s just her stuff and if she has a room. Let people in the family know your decision. If they don’t like it, if it causes a problem for them, and they need it to be different, then they can participate in finding a mutually agreeable solution. Power of Respect Question: If your anyone in your family is not happy with chores, what is your plan to create harmony? Click Here to Ask: get your question answered in a future newsletter, you can also suggest topics you would like covered Next Month: Dealing with manners and keeping the harmony in your family… May your efforts be successful and satisfying. Best Wishes, Karen Ryce The Miracle Worker…of Education and Parenting We value your privacy and we’re not going to rent, trade, share or sell your information to anyone. If you want to read the details of the privacy policy, you can read them here. Contact Us | Privacy Statement Copyright © 2011, 2012, 2014 Karen Ryce Presents Karen Ryce Presents Copyright © 2011, 2012, 2014 All Rights Reserved Karen Ryce Presents retains all copyrights in any text, graphic images, and software owned by Karen Ryce Presents and hereby authorizes you to electronically copy documents published herein solely for the purpose of transmitting or viewing the information. 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Realize and remember even mistakes are opportunities to learn Be sure to appreciate their successes Help them learn positive lessons from their mistakes When you notice that your child is making a mistake that is not a harmful one, if possible, don’t correct them right then. Wait until they are finished doing that activity and offer to show them how to do it in a “different way”. t is also important to use this process when they pronounce a word incorrectly. Tell them the proper word later, without referring to their past mistake. For example, “I’d like to show you a way to fold those so that they all fit in the box” or “This is a pineapple. Would you like to eat some pineapple?” Often two year olds use quality names incorrectly, such as colors and numbers. They are showing that they are aware of color words and number words and how to use them, not that they know the correct name. Handle these “mistakes” using the procedure described above. |
