| Karen Ryce Presents... |
| Power of Respect Mini-Course Lesson One: The Overview Written Version |
| Lesson One: Overview Seven Simple Steps To End Conflict This first lesson is an overview of the whole process, just so that you can get started right away, if you wish. At the end of this lesson is a list of the following lessons. Each following lesson goes into more detail on the main aspects and includes examples. Seven Simple Steps To End Conflict!!
take the “scary” out of trusting your kids: Conflict is the basis of all the troubles between parents and children. Conflicts develop because everyone has differences: differences in interests, in beliefs, in values, in likes and dislikes. In just about anything you can think of there can be differences between two people. Picture this: no one has the same point of view, no one physically looks out of your eyes except you. That’s not to say that we don’t have many things in common, but conflict comes when we have differences and do not know how to resolve them in a humane and peaceful manner. Following is a list of seven steps toward successful, respectful, and peaceful ending of conflict. When you are starting out, you must complete every step to achieve success. Step One Set Up the Meeting: Be sure that the time and place chosen and decided on is agreeable with everyone involved. Anyone affected by decisions made at the meeting needs to be at the meeting, or needs to realize that decisions that are made that are binding to them, too. Of course, if you do make a decision that they don’ t like, another meeting can be set up to change that. Be sure that you have paper and pen and a surface to write on. Step Two Ground Rules: 1) Define the problem and write it down. Come to agreement on exactly what the problem is. Write it. Make sure everyone has the same understanding of the problem before you write the final version of the problem. Who “owns” the problem? Whose problem is it? Just because something is a problem for one person, it does not mean that it is a problem for everyone. Write down who owns the problem. 2) The solution must be a win-win solution. Everyone needs to understand that no solution will be used if one person does not like it for whatever reason. That idea will be crossed off the list of possible solutions. If only one part of an idea is not liked, only that part needs to be crossed off. 3) Everyone needs to understand that during the brainstorming, which happens next, no one criticizes any idea. This helps keep the ideas flowing. All ideas are written down. If anyone has trouble with this, they need to be reminded that the idea will not be used if someone does not like it, but for now please don’t say anything against it, no moans or groans or negative gestures. Step Three Brainstorm for solutions: Write down every idea, no matter how strange, no matter how silly, no matter who likes it or not. Step Four Discuss and eliminate any solutions or parts of solutions that are not acceptable to any of the participants. Cross off the idea or part of an idea. It is not usable. Using it would be disrespectful to the person who does not like it. If all ideas are crossed off, you must brainstorm again. You can do it right then, if everyone agrees to do so. However, it is more likely that you will have several ideas or parts of ideas to work with. Step Five Negotiation: Decide on acceptable, win-win solutions. Maybe one idea or parts of several ideas will fit together to make a mutually agreeable plan for a solution. Be sure the decision is written down and that everyone understands it in the same way. This is very, very important, if it is to work! Misunderstandings cause a huge number of problems, huge! Step Six Put the solution or solutions into practice. Since each person knows their part of the solution as negotiated and written down (Step Five), now action can proceed. Step Seven Review and evaluate the success of the solution or solutions: Decide when you are going to meet to let each other know how the plan is working. If everything is going well, continue on, if not, go through the seven steps again to find something that seems like it will work better. “This process may seem time consuming, but once everyone is practiced at it, you can eliminate the writing, and finding agreements becomes almost automatic. Then the peace in the family seems worth all the efforts at changing in the beginning.” (from Karen Ryce’s Column Book the Power of Respect) As a parent or grandparent raising grandchildren, let teachers, caregivers, babysitters know that this strategy can bring peace in the classroom, too, or in any childcare situation. I have taught this process to students as young as 3 - 3½. I taught this by being a mediator for the children and they learned quickly. A few sessions with me and they preferred to do the process themselves rather than spending time waiting while I write down all of their suggestions. They quickly understood the essence which is that they need to find a win-win solution to their conflicts. After a few sessions they were able to find solutions almost instantly, like, “You can have the swing first if I can hold your bear.” Through this process everyone’s needs get met, no one feels left out, powerless and uncared for. Everyone feels important and loved. |
