| Karen Ryce Presents... |
| Power of Respect Mini-Course Lesson Twelve: Mediating For Children Written Version |
| Lesson Twelve Mediating for Children If mediating for your children/grandchildren is your first use of this Power of Respect Strategy, chances are it is because they are having trouble at that moment. It’s always harder to jump into a problem than to deal with one calmly at a time when emotions are not running high. Be sure to take a way to write ideas. It is better if you have introduced this to your children/grandchildren before this, but if you have not, you can still do it. Remember the steps, but be ready to be flexible when and if the situation calls for it. An Example: “Gene, Cassie. It sounds like you are having a problem. I want to help you solve it so you both feel good.” “Mom, Gene won’t give me my book back!” “It’s not her book!” “I want to help you solve this so you both feel good. First we have to understand this problem. Cassie says it’s her book and Gene says it’s not her book. Whose book it is?” “It’s mine!” “No it’s not.” “Gene, why do you say it’s not Cassie’s book?” “I gave her the money for it. She bought it at school. I didn’t know it would be so cool. She didn’t pay for it, so it’s not really her book.” “It is too!” “I see: Cassie thinks it’s her book because she bought it at school, but Gene thinks it should be his because he paid for it.” “I’m going to pay him back.” “Now I don’t want you to pay me back. I want the book.” “That’s not fair! I found the book and I bought it. It’s my book!” “Look, I understand why each of you thinks that it is your book. Let’s solve this so you both feel good. Both of you deserve to feel good. The first thing we have to do is write down any ideas we have about what needs to happen.” “I just want my book back!” “It’s not your book.” “Ok. So the first idea is ‘Cassie gets her book back.’” (She jumps right into writing to move the process along. Because the children are emotional about this, they are not ready to listen to a lot of process. She decided to take action and explain as she goes.) “It’s not her book.” “So, what do you think should happen, Gene?” “I get to keep the book.” “Ok, ‘Gene gets to keep the book.’” “No way, Mom!” “Oh, I didn’t get to tell you two things. Listen. Remember I said that you are both going to be happy with what we decide? Well, I’m going to write down all the ideas we have, but after we’re done thinking of ideas, if one of us doesn’t like an idea, I cross it off! We can’t use that idea. Understand?” “Ok, Mom.” “Now the other thing you need to know is that when we are coming up with ideas, no one says anything about the idea. When we are done you can say if you like an idea or not, but not when we are coming up with ideas. We’ll get better ideas that way. Understand?” “I don’t want to do this.” “Well, we don’t have to do this right now, Cassie.” “So I want my book back.” “Well, the book is still a problem and I don’t think either of you should have it until we find something you both like.” (Notice that she doesn’t take action on this, she just puts out an idea.) “We could share it.” “I’ll write that down.” “I could keep it in my room for one day and then you could keep it in your room.” “I’ll give you my model car if you give me the book.” “Ok. I’ll take the model car and you can have the book. Can I read it sometime?” “Sure. Let’s go get the model. Thanks, Mom. Come on Cassie.” * * * I have taught this Power of Respect Strategy to students as young as 3 - 3½ by being a mediator for the children. They learned it quickly. A few sessions with me and they preferred to use the Strategy themselves rather than spending time waiting while I write down all of their suggestions. They understood the essence: find a solution that everyone involved likes and get on with playing. |
