| Karen Ryce Presents... |
| Power of Respect Mini-Course Lesson Two: Setting Up The Meeting Written Version |
| Lesson Two Setting Up the Meeting You have decided that it is time to have your first session. Either you have an issue to deal with, or your children do. I recommend that you deal with one issue the first time. You can deal with more. I’ve mediated multiple issues in minutes, but until you are familiar and comfortable with the process, you might find one issue enough. Be sure that the time and place chosen for the session is agreeable with everyone involved. Since you are setting up the session, ask everyone involved if the time and place of the meeting is fine with them. Also, very important, let everyone know what you are going to deal with and that only decisions that everyone likes will be made. If someone objects to the time or place, it is important that a mutually agreeable time and place be found before you hold the session. If someone is just reluctant to participate, you have several options: • If they object to the time (place), offer several different possibilities • If they continue to object, ask them to suggest an agreeable time (place) • Continue asking them periodically if alternate times (places) agree with them • Go ahead with the session without them, but let them know that decisions made are binding to them, also • Let them know that if they don’t like the decisions, another session can be scheduled If you have decided to go ahead with a session and someone who is affected by decisions made at the session is not there, when they realize that decisions that are made are binding to them, too, they might agree to take part. However, if you properly emphasize and explain that no decisions will be made unless everyone agrees with the suggestion, most people will agree to take part. Be sure to make it clear that if a decision is made that they don’t like, another meeting can be set up to change that. Let everyone else at the session realize that that is a possibility. Be sure that you have paper and pen and a surface to write on. The following examples are just to give you an idea of how it can go. Setting Up a Grandmother/Grandson Session “Tony, I’m learning how we can solve our problems and we both get to feel good. I’m thinking of talking about homework. How does that sound to you?” “I don’t want to talk about homework.” “Oh, I forgot to tell you. We won’t decide to do anything unless I like it and you like it. What do you think about that?” “You mean I won’t have to do my homework if I don’t want to?” “I don’t know about that, we’ll have to come up with ideas about it, but only the ideas that you like and I like will we try to do. If I don’t like it we won’t use that idea. If you don’t like it, we won’t use that idea. What do you think?” “Well, I guess we could try.” “Shall we try it right now?” “I want to go out and play right now.” “Shall we try after you come back? We can work at the kitchen table.” “Sure.” Setting Up a Family Session “Gabby, remember I told you about that new program I’m learning about where we can solve things as a family so that all of us get to feel good?” “Yeah.” “Well, I’ve checked with your father and your brother and sister, but I haven’t had time to check with you. I’d like to decide about our family vacation this summer. We need to plan now if we want to do some of the things we’ve been thinking of.” “I don’t want to take a vacation with the family. I want to stay in town with my friends.” “It sounds like we need to have a session, you and me and your Dad, before we meet about where and when we are taking our family vacation. I really want you to come, but we’ll come to some decision that we all like. I’ll ask your brother and sister if it matters to them to be at that session, since this is a family issue. When is a good time for you to meet with us?” “It sounds like everyone will be ganging up on me.” “I’m sorry if it sounds like that but no decisions will be made unless everyone involved agrees to them, that includes you. If you don’t like an idea, you just say no and that idea gets crossed off the list. So, is this evening after dinner good for you? We’ll work at the table in the living room.” “I guess it’s ok.” “Great! I’ll tell the others about the change of plans.” |
