|Karen Ryce Presents...
|Hello...Karen Ryce Presents reveals what you need to know to Eliminate
Problems With Kids Forever.
Karen Ryce here. Now I know that sounds almost unbelievable because adults...
parents, teachers, grandparents... and children have been having troubles
since...well, as long as I know of. Kids are always getting into trouble, or not
wanting to get into trouble, time out, losing priveleges, getting lectured or yelled
at, getting expelled from school, or losing recess, disappointing their parents,
getting grounded, and worse...sometimes much worse...sometimes even much,
How could there be an end to this? It doesn't seem possible. But you are here, so
either you're just curious or you have hope that this is possible, or even you
know this is possible, but you don't know how it can be done. It's my intention that
by the end of this seminar, it's very believable to you and you know what you
need to know to get it done.
I have walked this path and continue to walk it. I know the signposts, the potholes,
the narrow places, the wide, smooth places, the bridges and the short-cuts that
are really short-cuts, and I can help guide you to mastery.
Before we get into this, I want you to know that I will answer your questions at the
end. If you are on the webcast, you can type in your questions. If you are on the
phone, I'll give you instructions about how to ask your questions at the end.
So tell us a little about yourself, why we should listen to you:
My name is Karen Ryce. I’m an author, a retired Montessori and Special
Education teacher and a professional educator. I started a Montessori school in
1973, got it funded by the State of California. It is still functioning and so is the
funding. I’ve been working in and on the educational field for 39 years. I’m a
qualified Trainer with the Nevada Registry and I’m authorized by them to give
credits for my trainings.
I’ve written two books, three ebooks, I have a website and I teach classes,
workshops and do consultations. Soon most of the classes I will teach will only be
during Power of Respect Vacations.
I’ve been given the name The Miracle Worker…of Education and Parenting
because of the success I’ve had working with kids using the program I’ve
developed called the Power of Respect. Sometimes the results have seemed
Now I want you to think of someone in your family you would like to have a better
relationship with, or people in your family you would like to get along better.
Please keep these people in mind as we explore today.
Can you give us a few examples of people you have helped:
I had sort of retired, at least from being a head teacher at our Montessori school.
I was very involved writing my first book. One day I got a phone call from
Children's House. That was the name of the Montessori school. They begged me
to come to help with a child, the most difficult child they had ever had to deal with.
There were reasons they felt they could not just tell the parents that she could
not be there. They did not know how long I would have to do this, but would I
please do this.
I decided that I would. So I attached myself to this child. Wherever she went, I was
with her to make sure she did not hit, bite, scratch, or otherwise abuse the other
children. I also helped her learn how to treat other people if you want to be able
to play with them. Within two weeks of working with me that student got along
beautifully with the other children in preschool. And I could get back to my book.
When I was teaching autistic and mentally challenged students in a middle school
in East Los Angeles there was a mentally challenged student who told me the first
day he arrived that he was going to join a gang. His male family members were in
a gang, so that was what he intended to do, too. Is spite of his amazingly sweet
smile, that would suddenly shine out in spite of himself, he was another one I had
to pay close attention to to protect the other students from being punched,
tripped or threatened. He thought it was a great joke. They did not. He was very
time consuming until I discovered his ability as a drummer and got him into a
music class. I was also able to have someone kind, respectful and attentive
assigned to work only with him. He loved drumming and was very good at it. He
also loved the assistant and was very responsive to her. He became a very
different person. He began to feel good about himself, he no longer wanted to be
in a gang, he wanted to be a drummer. He no longer even tried to hurt the other
students, he was now kind and helpful toward them.
While I was living in East Los Angeles, I was a caretaker for five young children
ranging in age from one year to seven years old. The oldest went to school, but
the other four were too young and stayed home. They would wander or run
aimlessly around the house, doing things like dumping cereal out of the box onto
the floor, tearing up papers, making messes wherever they went. Sometimes they
watched TV and they often got into fights over this and that, especially the two
older girls. They had a few toys, but weren't interested in playing with them.
Before their brother left for school he would literally jump on one or more of the
younger children and body slam them onto the couch, leaving them crying. He
repeated this when he got home from school.
I needed to learn about them, their interests and abilities. I'd follow them cleaning
up their messes. Doing my best to make sure that they didn't hurt each other or
themselves. I asked the older brother not to hurt his brother and sisters. He didn't
pay much attention. I gave as much attention to each one as I could. The baby
liked being held, so she was often on my hip as I went through the day.
I discovered that the oldest girl wanted to learn how to write and read. We did as
much as we could, but were often interrupted by the other older girl who was a
live wire. She liked it when we went out for walks, which we also did frequently.
After two weeks of caring for these children while their mother worked, which
amounted to about 16 hours a day because of the distance she had to commute
by bus, I was beginning to get discouraged. I thought that I was facing defeat. I
began to think that even though being consistantly respectful might work with
children who lived less deprived lives, it didn't seem to be working with these
Then one day, it seemed as if even the tiny, spotty, almost invisible amount of
progress we had made together vanished and we were back to square one. I was
ironing a shirt and I was feeling so frustrated and discouraged, thinking that the
whole thing was hopeless. Before it had been like rolling a heavy boulder up a
mountain, progress was hard and slow, but at least it was prograss. Now it was
like that boulder had just rolled to the bottom again. I began to cry as I was
The oldest girl was the first to notice my tears. She became very concerned. She
wanted to know what was wrong, why was I crying. Soon all of the children were
wanting to know why I was crying. I told them that I was sad because it seemed
like they were getting along better and now they were fighting just like when I first
came and that I just didn't know what to do.
What happened then took me by complete surprise! They came up and hugged
me and told me not to be sad. Then all the changes that had been happening
inside them as they internalized the new behavior they were exposed to burst to
the surface! They began being sweet to each other. Even the older brother
would kiss and hug his little brother and sisters before he left for school and
when he came back home. Their activities became focused and purposeful. They
cleaned up the house and cleaned up after themselves.
My faith was restored and raised to a new level. I realized that all I needed was
faith. I had perseverance and patience, but I was losing faith that I could be of
help to these children. I was wrong.
I can help you work ‘miracles’ of your own. I’m here to help you start that today.
Here's a little preview of what is to come. I'll teach you a simple Power of Respect
Skill that can make kids from 2 years old at least through middle school, follow
directions almost instantly. I first learned this with the help of a two year old who
never followed directions, but with the help of that skill that I teach you today,
always followed directions, almost instantly.
In the flyer you said something about the root cause of family problems. Is this
what helped you work these 'miracles?':
Some of you are here because you got the flyer. If you have not yet seen the
flyer, go to www.parentchildteacher.com/flyer.html, click on the link and check it
out. You can print it out and show everyone you think might be interested in this
Now I know that the flyer said that there is ONE root cause at the core of most
family problems that exist today. I am going to tell you what that is…but, I have to
let you know that I am not disclosing the root cause until the end of this
presentation. This is not just so that you’ll stay until the end, but because I’ve
learned, the hard way, that this discovery is so radical, so revolutionary, it is
essential that you be prepared to be open to this idea. It is my job to share
enough information with you so that you are not only open, you are eager to
learn this root cause so that you, too, can avoid this source of pain to your loved
You told me that you have a special offer for today.:
Although today I am sharing several Power of Respect Tools, Skills and
Strategies, you may want to take advantage of today’s VERY special offer. I’ll
explain it more fully later in this seminar. Just in case you have to leave early
today, I'm going to give you a website you can go to to learn about the offer. Go
to www.parentchildteacher.com/Free.HTML That is www.parentchildteacher.
com/Free.HTML At the end of this presentation I'll be giving you this website
again where you can get the free book and all of the bonuses. If you are
listening online, you can click the I Want My FREE Book Now! button and it will
take you to that site.
Even though I won’t yet name the culprit causing so much trouble for so many
people, I can share the solution. It may seem backwards, but it is part of the
preparation. As I’ve mentioned, the program I’ve developed is called the Power of
Respect. This was originally used in the title of the first edition of my book and in
the subtitle for the edition of my book that is available here today. It was also the
title of a newspaper column I had where people asked me how to maintain
respect in a variety of situations. I answered them in the newspaper.
How do you define respect?:
Well, here are some words and phrases I associate with Respect: true and deep
regard; esteem; admiration; consideration; courtesy; politeness; civility; to have a
high opinion of; to recognize the worth, quality, importance, of...
How is respect different from the Power of Respect? How do you define that?:
When I originally thought of the name the Power of Respect, I had already
discovered, in my work with kids as a Montessori teacher, that respect is a
powerful force. I learned that it was the best way to relate to the student if I
wanted them to feel comfortable and to cooperate. That was as far as I thought
then: respect is a powerful force. And it is.
You can ‘make someone’s day’ just by being respectful to them. Every time they
think of how well you treated them, they’ll feel the feelings of gratitude, of being
cared about that they felt when you were respectful to them. It can be the turning
point in someone's stressful, unpleasant day. That is powerful. That's what I
meant by the Power of Respect in those days.
It is powerful enough to allow kids to feel loved, kids who were loved, but never
felt loved. It makes it possible for the love to reach them. See, parents in general
love their children, but some of the ways they treat their kids, some of the ways
they speak to their kids, even some of the ways they think about their kids, block
that love from reaching their kids. Even when the kids are old enough to
understand that their parents love them in spite of how they treat them, they do
not feel loved during the times they are being treated in ways they don't like.
Treat them with respect and let the love you have for them, reach them.
One letter I got told me of such a situation. The writer’s teen sister was able to
stop going to therapy after their mother bought my book and began implementing
the Power of Respect Tools, Skills and Strategies. According to her sister, she
finally felt loved and no longer needed therapy. All the powerful information that
that mother needed was in the book that is available here today.
Many years later I discovered an even more powerful meaning to the Power of
Respect. It was while I was preparing for a workshop in Reno. I’ve learned a lot
during my time in Las Vegas.
The Power of Respect more exactly means that you respect someone, you treat
them with respect AND you respect yourself and treat yourself with respect, at the
same time. This little word ‘and’ is what makes the Power of Respect so powerful
and so different from what most people think of as respect. That ‘and’ stands for
a huge difference, a whole person difference and it results in harmony.
Unfortunately, the way most people think about respect is that when you are
being respectful, you treat others respectfully, no matter what you think of them,
even at your own expense. In other words, you learn to treat someone else
respectfully even if you have to be dis-respectful to yourself.
This practice is so common, that it is actually a modern dictionary definition of
respect. Just check out the Microsoft Encarta College Dictionary. The definition
for respect says “…admiration,” that’s fine, “and deference toward somebody…”
Deference means that you put someone else’s needs before your own! So they
get good treatment, because they are ‘worthy’ of respect, and whether you have
to suffer or not is not considered important. Does that mean you are not worthy
Think back in your life: when you were growing up, how often were you asked,
even required under pain of something, or at least expected, to treat someone
else respectfully even when you didn’t want to, at your expense… your teachers,
your parents, family friends…? Treating someone else respectfully is only half
right. The other half, disrespecting yourself, is plain wrong! You need to be
respectful to yourself, too. It is wrong to do something that is considered ‘good’ at
the expense of anyone. That is not really good. Part of it is bad.
Of course, you might say that being respectful to you is the other person’s job.
That is correct, but it is also your job. It is your responsibility to take care of
yourself, too. Chances are that if the other person were being respectful to you,
you would want to be respectful to them. That is a natural response and that is a
powerfully good situation, especially if you are both being respectful to each
other and to yourselves, at the same time. That is harmony.
But what if we weren't raised to be respectful to ourselves. What can we do?:
If you were not raised with respect you may have to make some changes so that
you treat yourself respectfully, so that you are part of the harmony. Observe
yourself. Pay attention to what you do, what you say, what you feel, what you
think. Do what you can to ensure that you spend the rest of your life doing what
you love to do and having experiences that are deeply satisfying.
Later in this seminar I’m going to teach you a Power of Respect Strategy
involving thinking of someone you respect. Use this Strategy on yourself. I’ll
remind you at that time. Another very important thing you can do, starting
immediately, is to stop criticizing yourself. Develop into your own best friend:
someone who is always there for you, who wishes you the best, who loves you no
matter what. This information on respecting yourself comes from the chapter in
my book called ‘No Guilt and the Practice of Self-Respect’ where you’ll find more
information and many effective Strategies.
I'm afraid that I see a lot of people who are not respectful to other people:
Of course, one thing that happens frequently today is that people don’t treat
each other respectfully. They don’t put the other person’s needs first, before
their own needs. They put their needs before the other person’s!! That’s just as
wrong! Rudeness is running rampant in many situations. Adults are rude to kids.
Kids are rude to adults. Adults are rude to each other and kids are rude to each
other. How often do you see and hear this? Think about what people watch on
TV. If you’re out in the world, it’s daily, I’m sure. It certainly was in my experience
as a teacher in public schools.
So how does the Power of Respect help this situation?:
The Power of Respect brings you another way, a harmonious way, a truly
respectful way. The Power of Respect is the solution that I’ve discovered and
developed to undo and eliminate the harm caused by the invisible root cause.
What I have found in my many years of working with the Power of Respect is that
there is always a respectful solution or respectful set of solutions to any problem
situation, a solution that is respectful to all involved. That is the key. It exists and
we can find it. There is a 7-step Power of Respect Strategy to accomplish this. It
is the subject of the first Module of the course I teach. The first lesson is an over
view. This strategy is easy to learn. I’ve taught it to 3 year olds who understand
and learn it quickly. This lesson is actually part of today's bonus. I'll go into that in
more detail a little later.
What are some of the characteristics you have observed in children who have
been raised respectfully?:
Before we go any further, I want to share some of the dominant, positive results
in kids that I have witnessed from using the Power of Respect. I’m not saying they
are perfect or that kids demonstrate these qualities 100% of the time. However,
kids raised with respect are kids to be proud of; they are considerate; they are
competent; they know what’s good for them and avoid what is not; they know their
strengths and weaknesses and how to make the best of them all; they are clear;
unafraid to be honest; willing to take chances; they feel good about themselves;
they are glad to be alive; they are strong; wholesome; they have strong, positive
beliefs in their self-worth; they make wise decisions; cooperate; evaluate their
needs and satisfy them, but not at the expense of others; they actively respect
the needs of others, but not at the expense of themselves…
Wouldn’t you like your kids and grandkids to be living examples of these qualities
and abilities? That’s why I am doing this work.
What if my grandchildren are not little anymore and my children are grown? How
can the Power of Respect help?:
Although it is great and most beneficial if kids can be treated respectfully from the
beginning of their lives, at any point that the respectful treatment begins, you are
going to witness positive changes in the kids. Think of the 16 year old girl who
was able to stop going to therapy…there are so many examples…an autistic boy
whose mother really, really wanted him to attend regular classes…he did not
want to attend regular classes in middle school, was able, thanks to the Power of
Respect, to choose to attend and succeed in regular classes in high school…a
girl who, as a teen, tried to commit suicide, but thanks to the Power of Respect
now lives a full and satisfying life. So it doesn’t matter at what age the Power of
Respect is introduced into one’s life. I am living proof that even adults can make
positive changes in their lives. So is the whole personal growth industry. Of
course, if kids are raised with respect from the beginning they do not have to
remake themselves. They have a strong foundation and can create themselves
awesomely. Remember the job of our kids is to create a wonderful adult human
being and that is certainly a job worthy of respect.
Well, it sure sounds great! What is the special offer you have for us today?:
Earlier I mentioned that I had a special offer for today. My Book, filled with the
information you need to eliminate problems with kids forever, is available today
for free! It usually sells for $25. But for today you not only get it for free, you also
get 5 bonuses worth $588. Although the book and the bonuses are free, I am
asking that you pay $5.97 for shipping and handling, most goes for shipping. Just
in case you have to leave early today, I'm going to give you a website you can go
to to learn about the offer. Go to www.parentchildteacher.com/Free.html That is
www.parentchildteacher.com/Free.html If you are listening online, you can click
the I Want My FREE Book Now! button and it will take you to that site.
So how did all this get started? The Power of Respect and all?:
I discovered the root cause many years ago in a flash of illumination. I’m sure you
know how it is to discover something, like a great recipe or a faster way of doing
something, and you want to share it with everyone. I, too, wanted to share my
discovery, but after a few attempts, I realized that it was too unknown, too
contrary to the norm. People kept getting defensive. They closed their minds and
rejected what I had to say. I knew that if I wanted to share this, I had to share this
in a way that did not seem like I was criticizing their parenting, that did not make
people feel guilty, that did not make them resist this awareness. I didn't want to
make them feel bad. I wanted to help people feel good.
I decided that it was not enough to share the problem, I needed to discover a
solution for this situation. That took many years of observation, experimentation
I got so involved with the solution that I paid little attention to the root cause. At
that time I did not even think of it as a root cause. I named it as I saw it. That
name is in the book.
That’s why it was only several months ago that I was able to properly define what
I have done. I was preparing to meet with Mayor Goodman, the mayor of Las
Vegas, at one of his Meet the Mayor gatherings. I knew I’d only have a short time
with him and so I wanted to present my work clearly and succinctly. Even after
this it took several months for the magnitude of what I’ve discovered and
accomplished to hit me: the root cause of most problems with kids and the
solution, the missing piece of the family puzzle, the strongest possible foundation
for harmony in the family.
During the time I was working on the solution I used to think of various problems
and see if in my mind I could trace their origin back to the root cause. I could do
that with so many problems. I wrote a chapter on this called ‘Social Ills.’ Today I
want to focus on family problems. I am not going to trace them back to the root
cause, because I am not going to reveal that until the end, but I am going to show
you how the solution heals or eliminates the problem.
Can you show how this solution might work with a couple of family problem
situations? Like what about fighting?:
Fighting is one of the most common forms of family trouble. Let's look at some of
the reasons for fighting? It serves the purpose of getting someone what they
want, it lets other people know that you don't like what they are saying or doing,
it's one way of standing up for yourself and your needs and wants, it's a learned
behavior, it's a habit, it's exciting, if you mostly win it can be fun, I guess…
How does the Power of Respect help heal this situation?:
It starts with someone in the family wanting the situation to be different. They
don't want to keep fighting. Until someone wants change it won’t happen. It's
common that in a fight someone would rather not fight, frequently it's the one
losing the fight. That person can be the catalyst for the change.
Once the change has been started, solving problems with mutual respect instead
of fighting, the change then continues because getting respect feels good,
getting your needs met feels good, and really, helping others get their needs met
while you get your needs met feels good, too, and there are many other ways to
have fun and excitement in your life. Knowing that your needs are going to be
met feels very good. It makes people feel important, cared about, loved.
It’s just that no one thinks that this is possible or they're used to getting what they
need by fighting and overpowering others to get it.
Let’s use an example to explore how the Power of Respect can help heal this
Let’s say two sisters are always fighting and bickering: whose turn it is to do
which chores; where is one’s new skirt; who took her homework; whose turn is it
in the bathroom, to make dinner, to use the car?... They’ve been doing this for
years. Their parents and brothers are always telling them to stop, to shut up, but
on it goes.
Then one day one of the sisters, or brothers, or parents, or even an involved
grandparent finds out about the Power of Respect. The parents decide it’s worth
a try. They hold a meeting…that’s how it starts…once it's tried it never fails
because it feels so good to everyone and it gets the job done. The family
members just need to experience that it's possible, simpler, faster, more fun to
get their needs met this way, then change begins. It might happen fast, but fast
or slow, it's sure to happen.
What about disobedience? I'll bet a lot of parents, maybe grandparents, too,
would think this is one of the main problems.:
Let’s say mom and her son are having lots of problems. Everything is a problem
for them: his friends, chores, money, homework., everything. Because he never
does what his mom wants, he makes a point of that. She’s tried grounding him,
taking away privileges, she’s even thought of sending him to a boot camp, if she
could afford it. Anyway, she’s threatened it. Things only seem to be getting worse.
Then one day her dad tells her about something he learned at a free online
seminar that might help. It’s called the Power of Respect…
If you have specific questions that you haven't asked already, you can type them
in on the webinar page, or if you are on the phone, you can ask them at the end
of today's presentation.
Do you have any strategies to help people who do not have good relationships
with their adult children?:
Some people have not yet developed a peaceful, harmonious relationship with
their adult kids. But they would like to. Here is a Power of Respect Strategy that
you can do on your own that can help you improve the relationship with your
adult kids. This is one of the Strategies from the book that is available after this
seminar. There are other Strategies that would involve you working on things with
them, but this strategy is something that you can do on your own that can have a
positive effect on the relationship.
Here it is: Think of someone you respect…this person is going to play a very
important part in your life, a healing part….Have you thought of someone you
respect…your mom, your dad, an aunt or uncle, a friend, an imaginary friend, a
boss…it doesn’t matter who it is or if there’s more than one person…now think
about how you treat that person…how you speak to that person…how you think
of that person…
This person and your respectful behavior toward that person is going to be your
guide…they are going to help you be respectful to your kids.
When you spoke about self-respect earlier, you mentioned a strategy to help you
be respectful to yourself, too. Is this it?:
This is the strategy I referred to earlier. Use the respected person as a guide for
how you treat yourself.
Before we go on, if anyone listening does NOT have someone in mind, a
respected person, think about how you would like someone else to treat you, to
speak to you, to think about you…use yourself as your guide…like the Golden
What if someone has trouble even thinking about being respectful to their adult
If anyone has trouble with the concept of being respectful to their kids, please put
that on the side for now. We’ll deal with it later, if what I am going to share does
not take care of your concerns. I hope this is ok with everyone.
In this next activity we are going to do a little visualization and some clearing.
Think of a situation with your kids that makes you feel disrespectful toward them.
If you don't ever feel disrespectful toward your kids, is there someone else in
your life you feel disrespectful toward? You can think of them for this exercise. If
there is no one else, are you ever disrespectful toward yourself? If so, use this
exercise to become more respectful toward yourself. If no one comes to mind,
then just relax and be glad.
Now think of the respected person in the same situation, the situation that makes
you feel disrespectful toward your adult kid…you might think, ‘they’d never be in
that situation’, maybe that’s true, but if they were…what thoughts would you think
to keep your respect of them?…how would you speak to them?…what would you
do for or with them?
This is what you are going to do to change your disrespectful thoughts. This is
how the respected person is going to help you. For now you can focus on the
thinking part. Whenever you find yourself thinking disrespectful thoughts about
your adult kids, change those thoughts. Think the respectful thoughts you would
think of your respected person. Then think that kind of respectful thought about
your adult kid.
So, think of the situation with your kid that makes you think disrespectful thoughts
about him or her…now change that disrespectful thought to a respectful thought.
In fact, as you become more skilled at this, you can use your awareness of the
disrespectful thought as a trigger to switch your thoughts to respectful thoughts.
Respectful thoughts improve your relationship with your adult kids.
Notice any changes inside of you as you do this.
Earlier I said I would address what to do if you greatly resist being respectful to
your kids. Before I do that I want to give you something to think about. Then I will
give you something to do about it.
As a parent we are examples to our kids. We are their most intimate example of
what it means to be an adult male or female. What kind of examples are and were
we for our kids? As parents we have tremendous power over the self-esteem, the
feelings of self-worth of our kids, their self-talk. Does anyone not know what self-
talk is? It is part of the mind chatter that goes on telling us what we believe.
Did we say or do things that made and make our kids feel good about
themselves? Did we give them approving, supportive, uplifting self-talk? What did
they hear us say about them, to them? Did we say “You are so great!” “I love you
so much!” “You can do or be anything you want to do or be in your life.” “You are
so talented!” “You make great choices!” “I’m so proud of you!” Please, before
you harshly judge or dismiss your adult kids, think about the part you played in
their creation of who they are, think seriously and deeply about these two
aspects of being a parent or parental responsibility, one, the kind of model we
were and are, and two,what we say to them about them.
You may not have known these facts or been aware of them, but they are very
instrumental in who and what your kids are now. I am here to let you know that
you can heal the hurts that have been inflicted knowingly or unknowingly
because of the root cause.
Forgiveness is a great place to start, forgiving everyone involved.
When you decide that you would at least like to try being respectful to your kids,
here is something you can do to begin. A belief is just a thought, a thought that
you keep telling yourself over and over. It just cycles through your mind. It's so
much a part of your inner world that you never question it. You consider it 'true'
and for you it is.
An intention is a thought, too, a deliberate thought. Once you have an intention
that has no obstacles, it becomes a belief, a thought that you believe and you do
not have to deal with it again.
This exercise helps you make an intention into a belief. First you state this
intention: I am willing to be respectful to (your kid’s name). After you do this, the
beliefs that you have that are contrary to this will bubble up in your mind: ‘he’s so
worthless, how could I do that’…’she’s such a control freak, how could I respect
her’…whatever they are…Then you ask yourself, “Do I believe this? Do I really
If not, that belief is gone. After this it won’t interfere with your intention.
If the answer is yes, then ask yourself: “Why do I believe this?” At this point, the
‘evidence’ from past experiences surfaces. For each piece of evidence ask: “Do I
still believe that this is true now?”
If no, then it’s gone. That thought, that belief no longer has power over you and
If yes, then ask “Why?”
You keep this process going until you reach a point of choice: either you can
continue to believe this and keep being disrespectful to your kid, or you can
‘choose’ to install another belief, one that will allow you to be respectful to him or
her. Like, “I love being respectful to Nathan.” Then when your old disrespectful
thoughts come up, remind yourself of the new one. Observe how this changes
how you feel. If possible, act on this new belief.
So, to get started in this, you do not have to interact with your kids, as you can
see. The beginning work is done entirely in your powerful, creative mind. As soon
as you feel ready, you can begin the work of speaking respectfully, acting
respectfully and interacting respectfully. If you have done the mind work, I think
you'll find the rest surprisingly easy.
If you have any questions, remember that at the end of this seminar, you will
have your opportunity to ask them. Just in case you have to leave early today,
here's the website you can go to to learn about the offer. Go to www.
parentchildteacher.com/Free.html That is www.parentchildteacher.com/Free.html
If you are listening online, you can click the I Want My FREE Book Now! button
and it will take you to that site.
By the way, the first personal audio coaching session you receive as one of the
bonuses when you sign up to get the free book is an interactive Power of
Respect Strategy called End Conflict NOW! I mentioned it earlier as a 7-step
strategy. It can transform relationships in one session. I highly recommend it.
Are there specific Power of Respect Tools, Skills or Strategies to help our
relationship with our grandchildren?:
As I was thinking of what might help your relationship with your grandkids the
most, I decided that learning how to speak respectfully to them is a great place to
start. It'll make them feel comfortable and glad to be with you and to share their
lives with you.
During the next part of this presentation I’m going to share several Skills of the
Language of Respect…
One of the most common things that adults tell kids is what to do, or even more
so, what not to do.
The language of respect changes orders to requests. “Please bring me ……”
“Please sit still during dinner.” “Please don’t talk right now. I need to concentrate
and I can’t when you are talking.” Of course, if what you are asking for is not
agreeable with the other person, then be ready to either help them understand
how important your request is to you, or work together to discover something else
that will work as well, if not better.
Another suggestion: Suggest it! This is something so many people to not
consider, just because you have thought of doing something one way does not
mean that someone else has thought of doing it the same way. Maybe they have,
and if so they will tell you when you suggest it. However, maybe you thought of
doing something in just a slightly different way and when you tell them of that
difference a light bulb goes on for them. They have increased their knowledge
and awareness…thanks to you. You've added a little more light to their life.
Here's another effective suggestion: Please, be polite: Too many people do not
realize the importance of being polite to kids. For one thing, if you want to get
along with them, you need to be polite. Even if they are not being polite to you,
you need to be polite to them. You are one of the important examples for them of
how to be an adult. When you are polite to them, they get to experience how that
feels and how to do it. In some cases, you might be the only one to do this for
them. It can make all the difference in their life.
Now I want to tell you about 'Ear whispering' (I don’t call it that in my book, but this
is in my book, also): I don’t know if you have noticed, but often when an adult tells
a kid to do something, the kid does not immediately do what is asked of them.
Has anyone noticed this? This is true for everyone. Everyone has their own
agenda. They are involved in what they are doing and even if they want to
cooperate, it usually takes some time to change gears. If they do not want to
cooperate, it takes much more time than that due to resistance, arguing…drama
of some sort. That takes a lot of time and energy.
With this little Power of Respect Skill all of that is changed. I don’t know if you
remember, but I mentioned that I was going to teach you a Power of Respect Skill
that I learned with the help of a two year old who never did what I asked him to. In
fact, the first day he was put into our Montessori school, he was discovered
climbing up the hill behind the school, heading home!
Anyway, one day, instead of telling him to stop doing this or that, as I usually did,
where everyone nearby could hear what I was saying, I whispered my request in
his ear. I just thought to try something different. I was amazed when he instantly
did what I asked! I have used this with great success over many years.
This is just like telling a friend discreetly that something is wrong, like they have
food on their face, or something green between their teeth, or something else
that might be embarrassing for them to have you tell them so that everyone else
Are there any more things we can do to have a better relationship with our
Find agreement: happy agreement is a dictionary definition of harmony used in
the social sense. That’s exactly what the Power of Respect helps people find.
One of the fastest and easiest ways to learn how to come to agreement
consistently is to take the first session of the personal audio coaching I give
called Ending Conflict NOW!: The Overview. Remember, this is one of your free
Another thing to do is, you cooperate---first! You be respectful---first! Remember,
you are the example. You are the adult. The kind of behavior you want to see
has to come from you, to start with you. You might have heard the quote, “Be the
change you want to see in the world.” That's what being a model for your
grandkids is about.
What can we do to if we see trouble between our adult children and our
I know that some people would like to help things be better between their kids
and grand kids, but don’t know how to help or are afraid of interfering. Or maybe
they've tried and only made things worse.
Here is what you can do to be of help, true help, help that will be welcomed and
appreciated. Understand how to make respect your foundation. Here again that 7-
step strategy is perfectly helpful. You don't have to master it before you begin.
Acting on it brings mastery faster. Remember three year old children understand
and learn this quickly. It's not hard. It just takes a mental shift.
When you are a good example, for your kids and grandkids, of someone who has
made respect their foundation, they'll feel safe with you.That helps build trust,
trust that you are going to be respectful to them, no matter what. Then when they
come to you to ask your help, you can help them make respectful interaction their
foundation, too. You will all find this so healing, so empowering, so exciting.
One way to create an opportunity for this to happen is to have your grandkids
spend part or all of their vacations with you. Being respectful during this time
helps build a close lifelong relationship with them. Unfortunately, some people
never get to know their grandparents.
If you want to speed things up, you can approach your adult kid: “I listened to an
online seminar recently. I think you might like what I learned. I got the book.
Would you like to read it and then we can talk?”
OR “In an audio coaching session I just had, I learned a strategy for ending
conflict. I’d really like to share what I learned. I think it might help things between
you and Kim. In fact I think it might put an end to the troubles you have with her.
Let me share this with you and then you can decide what you think.”
OR “I was part of an online seminar on the Power of Respect. I even signed up
for the bonuses and I get to be in the Power of Respect Network for 5 months,
free. This gives me great discounts. I’d like to invite you and your family to come
with me to one of their Family Vacations. It’d be on me. My treat. I’m willing to bet
that after the vacation everyone in your family gets along great. Wouldn't that be
great! So what do you say?”
OR “I was part of a seminar on the Power of Respect. I even signed up for the
bonuses and I get to be in the Power of Respect Network for 5 months, for free.
This gives me great discounts. I’d like to give you a gift of an hour consultation
with the person who gave the workshop. I’m sure she could teach you some
strategies so that your kids stop giving you so much trouble. What do you say?
Are you willing to give it a try? Wouldn’t it be great to have them cooperate with
you instead of fighting everything you tell them to do? One thing I learned
already is that when what adults command kids, they resent it and resist it. Now I
know how to fix this.”
If you spend a lot of time with your kids and grandkids, when you notice
problems, friction, you can ask “Anyone need help?” “Can I be of help?” I have
found this simple, little strategy very effective in helping kids find solutions to their
problems. When they take you up on it, be sure to be very respectful during the
whole process, because you want to help things be better. Since you've signed
up for the free book, and have the 7-step strategy, you can say, “I’ve learned a
great way to find solutions that work for everyone involved. Everyone gets to
have their needs met and it’s fun to do. No one feels left out. Shall we give it a
So what about the Invisible Root Cause you mentioned at the beginning? Is now
the time for that?:
Now comes the time that I promised at the beginning of this workshop. Now that
you have learned and even practiced several of the Power of Respect Tools,
Skills and Strategies, now that you have a better understanding of how powerful,
how effective this solution is, now that you understand how the Power of Respect
creates harmony where there once was discord, I am going to reveal the invisible
The root cause is a wrong attitude that parents have developed about
themselves and ‘their’ kids. As an eight year old boy once told me, “They treat
me like I’m a slave!” This wrong attitude is based on three beliefs: Belief One…I
own my kids…’my kids.’ Belief Two…It is my responsibility to make my kids obey
me. Belief Three…To be a good parent, I must be willing to do whatever it takes
to make my kids obey. “They’re my kids and they’d better do what I say or else!”
Or else…? Or else what must they suffer?
This is what people learn from the start. This is how they are treated and this is
how they treat their kids.
Even most ‘positive’ approaches to parenting teach some means of enforcing
parental control over their kids. This does not mean that parents want to hurt
their kids, but they are willing to if they think it’s necessary to make the kids obey.
And the hurt comes in many forms…even time out hurts, ask any child if they like
Out of this attitude come all kinds of thoughts and actions, including the belief
that parents can treat ‘their’ kids any way they want. “When you grow up you can
treat your kids any way you want, but now you are my kids and you do what I
say.” That’s what people commonly said went when I was growing up. Now it might
be, “My house, my rules.” I actually saw this on a billboard.
You might say, well, it is my house, so why can’t I make the rules? You can. As an
adult you are empowered to do this, but at what a cost, the cost of harmony in
the family…the cost of kids who know how to be respectful , kids who are in the
habit of cooperating…the cost of kids who have strong, positive beliefs in their
self-worth…is making the rules worth the cost?
I say no…not when there is a way to get the job done, to get family needs met
that brings harmony to the home and the feeling of being loved and important to
each family member…not when there is a way that helps bring out the best in
every family member, that helps the kids develop excellence and a strong sense
of responsibility, and everyone develop understanding and compassion.
Why continue to struggle with and against each other when pooling your
resources is so much more productive?
Now you know the invisible root cause and you know the solution. The root cause
brings only hurt. And that's putting it mildly. It hurts the person who has this
attitude and it hurts the other person. This is what prevents the love a parent
feels for their child from reaching that child. It hardens your heart, so how could
love get through? It is only with a hardened heart that you can do things that you
know your kids don't like, even things that hurt them terribly. I know you do this
because you really love your kids and you believe that in order for them to grow
up into good, decent citizens, they must obey you. For whatever reason, they
must obey you. But this was before you knew there was another way. A way that
is not authoritarian, where parents try to establish absolute control over their kids
and not permissive where kids are allowed to run all over everyone and
everything, but a third way, a way that works well for everyone in the family,
because everyone is working together, for the good of each and all. Kind of like
the Three Muskateers. All for one and one for all. It works. Believe me, everyone
who tries this, loves it.
Knowing the invisible root cause is only important in inspiring and motivating you
to master the solution so you cause no more harm to those you love.
Now that you know root cause and the solution to the root cause of most of the
family problems today, give this a try: Think of a family problem…now think if
instead of the root cause, the Power of Respect was in its place how different the
results would be.
Think of abuse, a huge problem in the world today, all kinds of abuse. If a person
is raised in a family where respect is the bottom line, where no one is treated with
less than respect, where problems are worked out harmoniously…do you think
that person would be abusive to anyone? No. It is not in them to be abusive.
They know how to be respectful, cooperative, not abusive.
What about drug abuse? A person who was raised with respect, who respects
themselves would not abuse drugs. They are in charge of themselves. They feel
good about themselves. They make positive choices. They would not abuse
Think about stealing. Stealing develops when someone does not believe that
they are going to get what they need and want. They think that they have to take
it. Someone who is raised with respect could not steal from someone else. They
believe in their ability to get what they need and want. They believe they deserve
what they need and want. They believe in the other person’s right to have their
own things or their own money. If they wanted something from someone, they
would ask. They would not disrespect others.
Violence…of course not.
Suicide…why? You feel good about yourself. You are constantly thinking
wonderful thoughts about you. You believe in yourself. You would never even
think of suicide. If you were coming up against lots of obstacles, you would know
that you could find solutions, satisfying solutions. That is where your mind would
go. That is what you would do. You would see the opportunity, not the obstacle,
for sure not defeat.
You can see how this works.
Sharing the knowledge of the Power of Respect with as many people as are
interested and to help them make respect their foundation, especially when they
relate to kids is my work, my mission.
So is that it? Is that all you want to share with us today?:
Now is time to tell you all about the special offer. Then I'll explain how the
question and answer part of this works, for those who want to stay and ask
questions and get some answers.
First the offer: You already know that I have a free book offer for you. Well, the
book is free, though it usually sell for $25, as I mentioned before, but even
though the book and the bonuses....worth $588 are free, I am asking you to pay
for shipping and handling, mostly just shipping. That will cost you $5.97. That's
all, just $5.97.
Now about those bonuses: The first bonus is a free CD revealing 7 secrets to
ending troubles with kids. In this you'll hear secrets I haven't revealed here today.
There are also examples of how these secrets work. You get two instant audios
and a 14 day free trial of the Personal Audio Coaching Program. That's what
gives you, for free, the overview of the 7-step strategy to “End Conflict NOW!”
You also get two more huge bonuses: 20 weeks of recorded Live Question &
Answer Sessions, and 20 weeks of free membership in the Power of Respect
Network. That gives you great discounts, especially on Power of Respect
To get all this and to learn more about it, just go to www.parentchildteacher.
com/Free.html When you get there, to get your free book, your CD and all of
your other bonuses, just click the paypal button. Soon, in the mail, you'll get your
CD and your 8x10, 190 page paperback book with all the information you need
and chock-full of examples. So go to the webpage and click on the paypal button
and you're on your way to learning everything you need to know to eliminate
problems with kids...forever!
That's www.parentchildteacher.com/Free.html . If you are listening online, you
can click the I Want My FREE Book Now! button and it will take you to that site.
One other point before this is opened up to questions and answers. If you decide
that you do not want the book or the bonuses for yourself, just think...is there
someone important in your life who might be helped by this information? Tell
them about the website...or get the free book and bonuses for them!
Now, if you have a question, just press *2 , it's like raising your hand for me. I will
call on you. If you are online on the webcast page, you can type in your
questions. Now let's get started.
|"Eliminating Problems With Kids
(before the seminar/interview starts, Karen reads some excerpts
from her book also now None of the offers are available)
|Written version of Audio.
|If you have trouble hearing the audio, you can copy and paste the
web address below into the address bar, and listen to it on YouTube: